Inspiring women in business (to hate other women in business)

nobody@vox.com(CupCate) — Thu, 22 May 2008 22:52:27 +0100

Last night I went to another one of those Inspiring Women In Business talks. The last one I went to was pretty good, so I thought I'd shell out the £25 to see the next one.

That was my first mistake.

My second mistake was showing up.

The third was not bringing my hip flask to spike all of the fucking free Vitamin Water (complete with colorful neon straws) they were giving us. You know how women are about their water!

So. We have a bunch of women sitting in a room, who are all there to listen to three women talk about personal branding and entrepreneurship, and who are all silently psyching themselves up to network and frantically scanning the list of attendees to see if there's anyone even worth talking to.

The first speaker goes by. She had presence, charisma, and stretched out, pixelized photos in her Power Point presentation. Aside from the latter she was fantastic.

The next speaker...I don't even know what happened. I couldn't understand a damn word she said, she droned on and on and on, and I still don't know what the hell her business is or why she was supposed to be inspiring.

The third speaker was interesting, but half way through some jackass behind me had a "question". The presenter of the evening asked her to stand up and ask her question and from behind me this grating, overly loud voice says,

"HELLO. My name is BLAH BLAH and I'm a freelance designer and I have been trying to get in contact with you company FOR YEARS and now that I FINALLY have you in the same room as me I just want to let you know that I have some GREAT IDEAS for you that I think you will REALLY LIKE and I WOULD LOVE TO SIT DOWN TO TALK WITH YOU."

There was a hum of laughter, and most of the women (including the presenter) broke into some sort of congratulatory applause and acted like this was an act of inspiring bravery. I, on the other hand, had my eyes closed and was doing breathing exercises because it was SO FUCKING AWKWARD.

The presenter smiled graciously and tried to tell us all, yet again, about a time when networking and bravery REALLY worked for her, but Miss Blah Blah in the back of the room wasn't done:

"And LADIES. If you're wondering where I got all this CONFIDENCE from, I'll tell ya. It's a book called THE SECRET, ladies, and it's in paperback and DVD. It is SO INSPIRING. IT CHANGED MY LIFE. YOU SHOULD GO OUT AND BUY IT."

More awkward cooing and uncomfortable applause.

The Secret to acting like a jackass!

Wow! I'm sorry...that was confidence? I thought it was tactless, awkward, rude, and inconsiderate jackassery. Maybe I'm confused.

Soon after the awkward Secret outburst, the third "inspiring" speaker was finished and we were encouraged to, "Get out there AND START NETWORKING!!!!!!"

And that, my friends, was the moment that I silently started screaming in my head.

Trust me, I like to network. I've met some really cool folks by networking. I get how important it is. I know. I KNOW.

However, I believe you have to have the right combination of things to create the right networking atmosphere.

You also need people in common fields. AND MAYBE BOOZE.

By this time none of us had had dinner and their idea of snacks were those quarter-sized mini sandwiches and odd shaped cheeses on sliced tomatoes. Fucking hell, people. A GIRL NEEDS TO EAT. It was almost 9 and the event started at 6:30. Hello. We're not ALL anorexic!

And also, I find that if you DON'T PUSH THE NETWORKING THING SO FUCKING HARD people will feel a lot more comfortable and natural when they do speak to someone.

It's like asking us to flirt on cue! I can't do that! And, to be honest, I'm pretty sure the idea of networking is that everybody is after something. It's a get and give situation. You're looking for clients, you're looking for a new job, you're looking for contacts that can increase your business and help you.

So when you tell us all to hop to and to get networking, it's just becomes so unnatural and feels really competitive...like a bunch of cats in heat wandering around scratching up against every thing in the room that moves.

I guess it pissed me off so much because every single fucking time I go to an event like this, especially when it's for women, I'm not only the youngest, but the only person in my field. Women In Business is such an odd term, if you think about it. Does that mean women who work? Women who start their own business? Women who are interested in business?

And why is it that I've been to TWO "INSPIRING WOMEN" events in one month? Can't they think of something else? Why do we always need to be inspired? I would much rather be fed and given free booze than given some lame *inspiring* speech. Talk to me straight. Tell me how you got to the position you're in. Give me a case study of yourself. Please don't feed me Eleanor Roosevelt quotes that I've already heard and posted on my Myspace page about 5 years ago.

There are shit loads of creative, YOUNG, smart ,savvy women out there who are in business and I'm sure they feel just like me at these events. Where are all the women in tech at these events I go to? Where are the writers? The artists? The photographers?

Why is always just the same women from banks and corporations and PR companies with the occasional bitchy fashion editor thrown in the mix?

I just want to go to an event, meet other creative working women, leave with a stack of business cards with at least 3 I actually will use and knowing that I met and talked to women who in the same sector as I am.

"I might be okay! Maybe!"

I've had enough of being let down and insulted by the snooty bankers and fake ass PR women that clearly are only talking to me for the sake of saying they met their business card distribution quota for the week.

Clearly, these situations will always arise. At certain events and certain venues they are inevitable. However, I am simply saying that I refuse to participate and act like a Networking Sheep at another one of these "INSPIRING" women's events. I'm not going to pretend to like Vitamin Water or force myself to talk to people that clearly have no idea what a blog is, just for the sake of throwing out a business card.

The one thing I did learn at that even was from the first speaker who said "networking isn't about handing out business cards...it's about having genuine conversations with people and putting the best version of yourself out there".

So. From now on, I am going to be smarter about networking decisions. I am not going to something just because I was invited. I am going to go to something because I think that there is something I can truly gain and walk away with.

And not just a free bag of things women like. You know...like, fruity lip gloss and tiny bottles of bath gel. UGH.

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Inspiring women in business (to hate other women in business)