16 posts tagged “feminism”
I've been keeping a juicy, titillating secret from you the past six months.
Her name is BitchBuzz, and she is going to be your new favorite website. Trust me.
BitchBuzz is written by myself and a group of passionate, feisty writers that are fed up with blogs and magazines for women that promise to be different, and end up making us feel like crap.
We're not interested in being perfect feminists: We knit, we bake, we fuck, and we blog. In short, we do whatever makes us happy and encourage other women to do the same.
We're going live on August 4th! Join the BitchBuzz group on Facebook and become our fan! Befriend us on Myspace, follow us on Twitter, and drool over our photos on Flickr. Stalk us! Love us! Read us!
We're currently looking for more writers to join the team, so please let me know if you're interested!
Currently, I'm sitting smugly in my office and pumping my fist in the air because FINALLY it would appear that the world and the rest of the *feminist* blogosphere are finally waking up to the fact that Jezebel is run by a bunch of fucking morons.
I've disliked them for a long time for various reasons:
They repeatedly stole content I wrote on Dollymix and NEVER linked back to me. They ignored the friendly emails I'd sent them. They glorify drug use. They exude this overly snarky, exclusive Gawker-ish attitude and stick their nose up at smaller blogs.
Yet for some reason tons of women like them, and even media outlets like Fox News act as if they are the first group of women to ever blog about women's issues. My god, those Jezebels are different! They're apparently anti-"body snarking" (like hell they are) and delete mean comments! (Or, comments that criticize them.)
I've always had a problem with them, I've always stood by the fact that
they're not as revolutionary as everyone would like you to think they
are. I've always felt as if they don't actually give a shit about
women's issues, and LO AND BEHOLD IT WOULD SEEM THAT I AM RIGHT.
The blogosphere is on fire with comments and complaints and anger from Jezebel readers and
other feminist bloggers...and, you know, women who don't believe rape
is a joke, and don't give interviews on serious issues drunk off their
ass. (And say things like if you get raped then you just "live through
it" or "I guess I regret being date raped".)
Tracie Egan and Moe Tkcaik went on Lizzie Winstead's show Thinking And Drinking to discuss "sexuality, feminism, freedom, power and responsibility". According to Lizzie, both women were both given information about the nature of the show and what they would be talking about, and Lizzie explained that:
"Tracie assured us she would be cool with anything we talked about in the feminist, political arena, that she was an expert on China, and that they had been talking a lot about rape lately."
Sounds great, right?
Watch the clips above (if you can stomach it) and I'll give you £20 if your head doesn't explode.
A great moment for me was when Tracie explained that women shouldn't just get abortions instead of using birth control because it's "too much of a pain". I also enjoyed when Moe explained that she didn't turn in the guy who date raped her and "go through fucking shit" because it was "a load of trouble" and because she "had better things to do, like drinking more".
Tracie "Slut Machine" Egan (who I have talked massive shit about before, then felt bad, and apologized to her in an email and a column which she never responded to and now greatly regret ever doing so) said that she "hates talking about rape" and that she knows it happens to "smart girls" but that, personally, she's never been "put in that situation" and she's had "lots and lots and lots of sex". (Also, she "doesn't hang out with frat guys".)
She thinks this is down to like, you know, like maybe "education" and because she's just "smart about it". Then, Tracie retracts these statements and defends herself by saying that
"i really, really, really didn't want to talk about rape, and i said so on stage. i also admitted that i can't relate to the whole issue because i've never been raped, and couldn't begin to understand what that's like... i was trying to keep my mouth shut during that whole discussion. (at one point, i even put my head in my hands.)"
Hmmmm....so, who is it that needs some education on rape again? It is
ye old Slut Machine who says stupid, horrendous shit about rape because
she "can't relate to it" - or is it the women who have been raped?
WHAT. THE FUCKKKKKK!?!?!?!?!?!
Also, if you were wondering who the rapists of our generation are like, Moe and Tracie, like, totally know and shit:
Tracie: "I live in Williamsburg, there aren't very assertive men there"
Moe: "The thing about the rapists of our generation, is that they all use drugs, they all have some sort of drug they use on you, so it's good to feel, and I don't know if this has happed to me or if I just drink too much...
Moe: "It's really hard to prosecute them (rapists), so you should try to avoid them at all costs."
Tracie: "I once paid someone to rape me once."
Tracie: "Well, I didn't pay for it, I had a magazine pay for it
Tracie: "I moved here when I was 18 and you think you would encounter more rapists in a big city like this, but, I don't know, I just haven't."
Personally, if it were up to me, and they were my writers, I would have
them fucking fired. But, I suppose Nick Denton is too high and mighty
to do that. (Wonder how long it will take for his Google Alert to pick
up on what I said and for how long it will take for him to leave me
another comment about how Gawker is so IRONIC and FUNNY and how they
were JUST KIDDING AND BEING IRONICAL.)
They're the two most popular editors of a WOMEN'S ISSUES blog that has loads of traffic and that tons of women (blindly...maybe stupidly) trust, and here they are, wasted, and talking flippantly about date rape and how rape is basically a woman's fault.
Fuck you, Jezebel and an even bigger fuck you to Gawker Media.
I'm not saying that they should only employ people who report rape or who are "perfect feminists", but Jesus-Fucking-Christ. Wake the fuck up and smell the responsibility you have as a role model for women. (And YES, you are a role model whether you wanted to be or not.)
A fucking million points to Lizzie Winstead for screaming at them about how their entire blog is based off of EMULATION. On The Huffington Post and Shoot The Messenger, Lizzie Winstead expressed her disgust with Moe and Tracie by saying:
I don’t know if they came to the show drunk, or just ended up drunk by the time they hit the stage, but what I do know is that the discussion that ensued was deeply disturbing to me for a few reasons:
Because they had no regard for the people who came that night and paid money to hear them speak.
They do not understand the influence they have over the women who read them, nor do they accept any responsibility as role models for young women who are coming of age searching for lifestyles to emulate.
Words and actions matter, and those of us who are given a forum to share opinion should always be mindful of that, and those of us who are trying to be watchdogs for the truth, should always call out harmful inaccuracies when we see them. I feel a responsibility to hold these young women accountable for the statements they make as they seem sure to keep repeating them.
As a perfect example of the power these two bloggers have, when one college student expressed her criticism and disappointment with the Jezebels, Tracie and Moe left a comment on her blog defending themselves, she backpedaled and made excuses for the pair. Apparently poor Tracie just doesn't like talking about rape! It's not her fault!
To be fair, as she pointed out in the comments of this post, Tracie was very skittish about discussing the topic of rape because she fully admitted she knows nothing about it. The whole discussion was just very awkward.
And also, it's not their fault they were drunk and saying stupid things! They thought it was a comedy show! Like ,why the hell were they made to talk about all that serious stuff!?
...This show was supposed to be a COMEDY show, which explains why all the intensity took me by surprise, and also kind of explains why Moe and Tracie weren't necessarily prepared. I don't think any of us were ready for the maelstrom of seriousness hurled at the panel/audience.
I don't care what the fuck kind of show you're on, you DO NOT imply
that women who have been raped just weren't being SMART ENOUGH or say
that if you're raped, you just "live through it".
These women are SO MISINFORMED. And here they are, in the position to reach out to thousands and millions of women online who are starved for something real, for something honest and funny and different....
And they've obviously just shit all over it and shown their true colors.
WOW! It's been a while since I last posted. This is mostly due to the fact that I've been doing nothing but updating my Twitter and wanking all day because isn't that what people who work from home, like, do and stuff?
LOLZ. Just kidding. How could I possibly be on Twitter all day when this happens every five minutes?
No, but really I have been busy. And not just wanking all the time. (That only takes up at 5-10 minutes at a time, anyway.)
Let's see. What have I been up to?
I suppose the event that sticks out in my mind the most is that last weekend I was worried for a full 24 hours that I was knocked up. I was a few hours away from buying one of those tests when - glory be to god - it happened. It was a weird week, to tell the truth. I had like, 7 pregnancy dreams that involved either twins, a miscarriage, an ultra sound, a pregnancy test, or me just waddling around being pregnant.
All of these dreams were horrible, can I just say that. Horrible. They fucked with my brain, especially when I thought I actually was pregnant. I thought somehow, someway, my uterus was whispering sweet nothings to my subconscious - but alas, the dreams were probably because I:
a) Watched Juno twice. (Once normal, once with the commentary on. Hello NERD.)
b) Watched a special on teenage mothers and young grandmas
c) Went to a screening of Baby Mama...ironically on the same day that I totally thought I was knocked-up. I was not pleased.
I didn't really to write about The Scare, as it wasn't even quite a scare. Flow was like a day late. A day. It was just the combination of dreams and lateness and the realization that if an *accident* were to occur, I know what I would choose to do.
But I was afraid that choice would make me seem selfish.
I'm married. I'm not 16. My life is pretty stable...right?
But in my heart, I know that would take our life into a different place. A place I'm not ready for. A place I don't think I'm mentally capable of navigating very well. That version of my life...I'm not ready to take it on. I'm not...we're not there.
So, that's that.
Thankfully, this choice only had to happen in my brain. I still think from time to time, about the decision we would make. I know it's for the best, but it really made me look at the whole issue in a new way. A woman's right to choose...
I am thankful it's a decision I have the right to make. That I have the option to choose.
But what a fucked up choice it is to have to make.
Well. That was heavy.
Here, have some cute dogs with their hair blowing in the wind...
Politics has always be en one of those things that I've shied away from.
I was still in high school when this war started. I was only 16 when the Twin Towers fell.
I knew I was angry. I knew I felt sick to my stomach what was happening. All of the sudden that crap that went on in the mystical, frightening "middle east" was on our soil. I didn't understand it, and mostly, I think I still don't understand it.
In 2001, I was thankful that George Bush was our President. He was our savior. Our cowboy. He stood in front of us all, and said that he'd get the bastards that did this to us. To our people. To New York. To all of us. I wore MIA dog tags for a missing New York firefighter. His name was Peter Lagone. My mom wore one with his brother's name on it, Thomas Lagone.
In my simple, young mind, I though that we should just trust the President. I was angry, we were all angry. Bomb the bastards. I truly felt that way. Bomb them. They can't touch us. Better them than us.
We went to Afghanistan. The Taliban. Osama Bin Laden.
Then, almost two years later, I remember sitting in my Economics class, and our teacher turned on the TV so we could all watch the Shock & Awe. The song "Bombs Over Baghdad" popped in my head. The bright, lime green flashes of light reminded me of when I was 5, watching what was happening in the Golf War.
I tried not to think of the people that were dying in all the fireworks. Then the bell rang and I was over it. We walked out of the classroom, more concerned with how many credits we needed to make up so we could graduate.
When I was 18 I registered as a Repuiblican at the same time I signed the petition to get Gray Davis out of office...outside of a Target.
After we had been in Iraq for over a year, and it became clear that maybe there weren't those WMDs after all, I became a little suspicious.
We were at war. I wasn't quite sure why anymore. The anger I felt because of 9/11 had faded away. I supported the troops. I knew that much. It wasn't their fault, they were doing their job.
Come 2004, it was time to vote for Bush or Kerry. I felt like we needed to be out of Iraq. However, Kerry was a jackass. Edwards seemed like an overpaid weather man with bad hair. When they spoke, I didn't believe them. Was it the Republican in me that hated them, or did I just not trust them?
I voted for Bush. I voted for him on the notion that this was his mess, his war, and he was going to have to fucking clean it up. I didn't want Jackass and Weatherman coming into office with their fake hair and lies, and try to clean up something that was far greater, and had far more secrets than they knew about.
Slowly I really began to wonder about Bush. The troops. Rumsfeld. I got tired of being a Republican.
I think was really did it for me was the gay marriage issue. How in the fucking world did they not see that denying gay people the right to marriage was unconstitutional? It still blows my mind. How, HOW do you DENY someone ANYTHING because of WHO THEY LOVE? Do you really care THAT MUCH where someone's dick goes? How they get off? Who they cuddle up to at night?
And why do you care about that?? OH. That's right. Some mythical guy who can turn water into wine and wore Birkenstocks. Sure, he was a lovely guy, but I thought he taught people about love, and peace. And I'm also pretty sure that old ass book that tells you one man is not suppose to lay next to (or in) another man is just that: OLD AS FUCK.
Don't talk to me about being Green and Global Warming and tell me that the "state of the union is strong" and expect me to take you seriously when you still tell people who they can and can't fuck. Or try to tell me what I can or can't do with my uterus.
I eventually registered as "Decline To State".
After moving to London, and after really getting involved and realizing how much I cared about feminism, and just equality for everyone (except stupid people) I realized what a fucked up mess all this Republican, Democrat, Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter bulllllshit is.
On my way home from the fucked up Feminism conference I went to in Newcastle, I started really thinking about politics. I was on fire. I didn't agree with everything those hardcore, ridiculously hardcore feminist said...but I knew one thing. We need a change.
Desperately, desperately need a change.
I walked into a bookstore at the Newcastle train station. I looked for any magazine or book that wasn't about Britney Spears or the confessions of a hooker...and then I saw Hillary Clinton's smug little smile staring at me from across the aisle.
Growing up, I was taught to hate Bill Clinton, and to hate Hillary even more. I remember thinking that he was slime after the whole Lewinsky, cigar incident, and thinking that Hillary was a moron for staying with him. Now, I realize that I don't give a shit. I don't care about who people fuck or what their relationship is like. I think in politics people tend to care too much about that stuff. ("I FUCK MY WIFE!"...5:45 in the video. The rest of is is Bill Maher being a misogynist asshole.)
I started to read Hillary's book, and realized that she was much more human than everyone thinks. I read about her family, how she grew up, her time in law school. I read about her views on Medicare, and how involved she was in Bill's presidency. I'll be honest and say I haven't finished it, I'm about half way through Bill's first term, but I had read enough to know I believed in Hillary.
I decided to vote for her back in July.
I had to ask myself if I wanted to vote for her because she was a woman, or because I thought she would be the right person for the job. The answer is both. As I said before, we need a change. A big one. It's absolutely RIDICULOUS that we haven't had a female leader yet. Hillary is the closest we're going to get for a very long time, and I know that she's the right person for the job. I feel it in my bones.
On the contrary, if Condi Rice was running, I would NOT vote for her. Yes, she's a woman. No, I don't think she's right for the job. But, you probably just think I'm racist, and that's why I'd chose not to vote for her, right?
My politics have changed dramatically., but I changed them on my own. There are things that I care very much about. I care very much about womens rights, and you know there's no way in HELL Hillary is going to reverse Roe vs Wade.
I know she made some lame voting decisions in the Senate. I've been told everything about Hillary from the fact that she's a criminal and a fake, to a communist. For the record, I'm not a moron. I know politicians are dirty, and I don't expect any less than that from the Clintons. They've probably killed people and hid their bodies somewhere at Camp David. To be honest, I don't care. I suppose this even gives them street cred. Maybe they even have their own gang signs.
I've been told Bill Clinton was a horrible president, granted I was very young while he was in power, but I don't recall any wars, any drastic financial crisis...only a stain on a blue dress.
At the end of the day, I trust that Hillary is going to go in there and kick ass. It's the best of both worlds for me, she's going to tackle the issues I care about (universal health care, civil unions -not the same as gay marriage I KNOW-, getting our troops out of Iraq, stem cell research) and she'll be breaking the highest glass ceiling there is by doing it.
I'm sure Obama's a great guy. I'm sure he's a great politician. I'm sure he'd probably do well as the President. But just not now. Not where our country is at the moment.
I've seen him talk, and I just don't believe him. I don't get excited by what he has to say, or how he says it. Call me stupid, but I need to feel something when someone who wants my vote talks to me. Obama talks...I feel nothing.
On the contrary, when Hillary talks I get goose bumps. I get excited. I BECOME SEXUALLY AROUSED at the thought of her giving a State of the Union speech.
I suppose the bottom line for me, is that I've made up my mind who I want to be my President.
I don't feel the need to swap statistics, or voting histories, or secret facts with you. I don't want to hear about some book that was written that proves why Hillary is a commie or why Obama is inexperienced. I don't care. In politics, I really don't believe there is any truth. I don't take anything for fact. I go with my gut, and take in as much information as I can understand, and try to form an opinion about something, which I feel is as close to the truth as I can get.
This is why I am voting for Hillary Clinton in 2008.
This is why I'm Decline To State.
I am not Democrat. I am not Republican.
I am simply an American, who has seen and experienced how the rest of the world sees us. It's not pretty, at the moment. We're in a bit of a mess. We need a clean up crew. We need a change.
We need some ovaries. Women get shit done.
Then, on Saturday night, I went to the Reclaim The Night march and protested sexual violence against women in the streets of London with a thousand or so other feminists. We cheered. We jeered. We rioted, We drank. It was good times, as I brought my feministy friend Isabelle, and my Wondrous Vulva Puppet, who I've named Sophie, with me.
Somewhere around the time everyone stopped marching and stood outside the Spearmint Rhino Gentleman's Club screaming "WE ARE NOT FOR SALE! WO-MEN ARE! NOT! FOR! SALE!" I realized what a flaming hypocrite I was. And you know what? I enjoy it. I enjoy being a sex-loving, make-up wearing, protesty, rioty feminist who will go to a sex show and a feminist protest in the same weekend.
I respect women's right to strip and men's right to watch it. I may not totally love it, but I respect it. And at the same time, I respect a woman's right to wear whatever they want without being accused of "asking for it" when they get sexually harassed/raped/groped.
Watch my video! I took the footage myself! I do voice overs! I EVEN SHOW YOU MY VAGINA. (Sophie, that is.)
Last Sunday, my interview in The Observer Woman came out.
When this happened, I was over the Pacific, America, Canada, Greenland, or the Atlantic, so I didn't get to do that exciting thing of going into the shop, buying it, ripping it open and fumbling through the pages until I see my big fat head in print and squeal, "OH MY GOD I LOOK HUGE."
No, I had to do that at my desk at work the next morning because a lovely bunch of folks went out and bought me like 343 copies. Thank you, I heart you.
Now, I've been contemplating writing about what I really think about all this because I hate it when people bitch about good opportunities that come their way. Like, "Yeah, sure I was on Oprah. But she was sort of rude and, well, I didn't like how her stylist did my hair. And the bagels in my dressing room sucked. I'm seriously never going on there again. Even if she fucking begged me. Pshaw." But I felt like it would be very unlike myself to not bite the hand that feeds me, or to bitch about something that should ultimately be a positive experience. So, here is my BEHIND THE SCENES TELL ALL story of what I think.
Before I bitch, let me just say that I'm truly thankful and honoured to be interviewed, and to even been considered one of the "new feminists". Having a tape recorder shoved in my face and being blinded by those giant umbrella lights was one of the coolest experiences of my life.
...And that is why I'm so disappointed by how it turned out.
Firstly, contrary to what some may have alluded to, no we did not have makeovers. Are you joking? Do you SEE my hair? Does that look like I had someone do my hair? There was a makeup lady there, although they told us there wouldn't be, so I had some hot chick at MAC do my makeup before I got there.
There wasn't a stylist, so no, they didn't dress us in the new Topshop line. We dressed ourselves. I assume this is either due to a tiny budget for the lowly feminsts, and/or they didn't want to insult our feminist values. Personally, if they had said, "We want to put you in this Vivienne Westwood gown and put 388lbs of makeup and hairspray on you, would that be cool?" I would have high fived them and let them do whatever. MY GOD I'M GOING TO BE IN A MAGAZINE, MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A STAR. (How non-feminist of me, I know. Whatever. Suck it.)
I'm not sure why we look like a Dove ad or a Feminism Club high school yearbook photo, but I'm pretty sure I look better in spontaneous, drunken photos that are on Facebook, than I do in this professional photo.
Secondly, no, no, NO we were not told our highly intelligent, witty,
disgustingly brilliant answers would be reduced to tiny sound bites
displayed in a ridiculous chart.
Besides the fact that it looks like my boob is resting on the fabulous Jess McCabe's head, and that the art direction seems to imply that they're hiding the fact that I'm really 300lbs and are concealing my massive body behind everybody else - what I'm most frustrated with is the fact that I was horribly misquoted.
From what I've heard, most of the girls were misquoted. If it were the odd word here or there, that wouldn't really bother me. It's a magazine, I except it. (And as Gemma says, "Once you've been misquoted you know you've made it!") But not only were the answers I used for one question, used for another, but the quotes were just like lazy, thrown together regurgitations of what I said. This is even more concerning as my interview lasted at least a half hour, and was bloody tape recorded. If you can't read the interview in the scan above, our answers are all online HERE.
Um...since when does this blog "bring together female-orientated blogs"? I'm guessing they meant Dollymix. I don't know.How did you become a feminist?
"...So I started Cupcate, which brings together female-orientated blogs."
Are men necessary?
"Of course! Though not George Bush."
When have I ever made a George Bush joke? Let's be real. First, that was not my answer. Secondly, the only time I can remember saying 'George Bush' was when she asked me the question "Which men in the public eye do you dislike?" and I laughed and said, "How many people so far have said 'George Bush'."
Can you be a feminist and go to a lap-dancing club?
"I'm not interested in good feminists and bad feminists. I can do whatever I want so long as I'm aware of why I'm doing it. The important thing is to make informed decisions."
I don't remember saying, "I'm not interested in good or bad feminists..." nor do I say things like "so long as". I think that was the jist of my point, but I didn't think interviews were summaries of what you said.
There have been a ton of criticism over this "feature" by a lot of different women online, however, the most heated comes from The Observer Woman Makes Me Spit blog (go figure):
What made us spit is that when OWM finally got around to discussing feminist ideas, they do so by reducing them to vacuous soundbites in response to brainless questions. It is hard to imagine a format less likely to produce revealing, informative, thought-provoking, persuasive or intelligent analysis.
Meanwhile the neighbouring feature on the New Misogynists was about 3,000 words long, featuring in depth interviews that gave you a real insight into the (ugly) minds of the subjects, lovingly portrayed as dashing rogues. If you can honestly see nothing worthy of mockery and ridicule there, then you should probably just move along.
Amen. What I find the most comforting is that not one person mocked
the nine women interviewed. I'm just thankful that everyone has given
us the benefit of doubt, and placed blame on the OW.
It's just sad that the young! hot! feminists! of today were given a shot to really sound off (as best as we could) on why feminism is still necessary - and instead we got asked, "DO women really need men like a fish needs a bicycle afterall?"
Ah well. As far as I'm concerned, it's still good publicity. Fuck, we were all in a magazine. That's pretty amazing. I mean, before this, I was in the Laguna Citizen because I was Little Red in my high school's production of Into The Woods. That's a bit of a jump.
Plus, this gives any other major magazines *cough*BUST*cough* and newspapers *cough*THE NEW YORK TIMES*cough* a chance to give us hot, young, feminists of today a chance to speak in full sentences of ten words or more.
At a certain conference I recently attended, I made a point of going to the session on "Women and Blogging".
I mean, like, I'm a woman! I blog! The thought of going to a talk strictly about women and blogging made me want to go to the entire conference. I mean, come on, women and blogging! Feminism and blogging?! Talk about my two favorite things!
All I would have needed was Ewan McGregor in a kilt feeding me ranch flavored cupcakes and I would have had the best time ever. (Did I saw Ewan? I meant IAIN. Hi honey.)
Basically, I was stoked about this session. However, when a 30-year-old, over-achiever with a perfect pony tail, perfectly creased jeans, and perfectly trendy thick rimmed glasses bounced up to the front of the room to discuss "Blogging!1!!!", I felt myself break out into hives.
The first sign that shit was going down was when she couldn't figure out how to turn the projector on to show us her super neat power point presentation, and then enthusiastically started talking about "Weblogs" that connected to each other through "comments" and "hyperlinks".
Did you know, that there are internet web communities based on blogging?
And did you know that there are women who have built a sisterhood online, like, ON THE INTERNET and that these women become, like, friends and stuff?
Apparently this enthused gal, who was rather fascinated by the HOT! NEW! TREND! of keeping a "weblog...online", had been following a group of women who all blogged about trying to get pregnant, and going to IVF treatments, etc.
She was amazed at how these women cared for each other, and that they would "Post like 70 comments on each other's blogs when they found out when someone was pregnant! 70!"
The entire time I was shitting my pants and foaming at the mouth whenever she said "hyperlinked". It pained me that she was speaking like an expert on women who blog, trying to use "the lingo" by saying shit like,"No I never comment. I don't want to de-lurk myself." and was basically suggesting that the way women bond online is only over trying to have babies.
Please note that I'm not knocking people who use their blog to discuss trying to get pregnant. The lovely Ana did/does this, and I think it's fabulous! However, speaking as an expert on women bloggers, only paying attention to women who use their blog to discuss motherhood, and acting like, "Oh this is what women do. They blog about their uteruses (uteri??)." is just fucking irritating.
But, perhaps the part of this talk was when she posed the question:
"What is the biggest issue with women and blogging?"
and answered it with:
"Not every woman has a computer or access to the internet, and therefore cannot blog."
Yes, because my biggest problem with blogging has CLEARLY been the fact that my internet dies occasionally.
Or that, ya know, sometimes we can't figure out how to turn on our computers and "therefore can't blog".
Give. Me. A. Fucking. Break.
I raised my hand and said,
"Um..sorry. But what about the sexual harassment of women online? Kathy Sierra? There are women who are threatened with with rape and violence simply because they've written their views online!? They're basically stalked..."
To which I got a blank stare, and then a slight glimmer of understanding when she replied:
"Oh yea. No, yeah, I think I've heard about that happening in chat rooms. I'll look into that and let you know if I find anything."
CHAT ROOMS? IS THIS 1998???
Basically, I'm not going to go on and on about how women are harassed online - because this isn't just a female issue.
Men are harassed online: crazed ex girlfriends try to ruin their current relationships with lies, or they're berated for being Republican, or Asian, or being "too macho"...
Personally, I know I've had my fair share of The Trolls. If you've been round these pink parts long enough (how dirty did that sound?) I'm sure you've noticed the manipulative liars, racists pigs, sexist assholes, and angry pro-anorexia girls that like to put in their two cents. Ya know, helpful advice, like telling me to go back to my own country, or that I should pull my head out of my ass.
At work, I've dealt with Trolls that have called me a "self hating bitch" (that came from a nazi lover), or who have argued with me that YES CALIFORNIANS DO WEAR WELLIES, you GEOGRAPHIC MORON.
Is it that women get more harassed online because the internet is like a misogynists' playground, giving men, and female hating women, a place to spread their venom? Is it that people are really still that adverse to women being mouthy, opinionated, and angry...
Is that men are just as harassed online as women, and that women are just harassed in a different way?
I, of course, have my own opinion on this, (shocking I know) but I'm curious as to how many men, as well as women, have been seriously harassed/stalked/threatened online?
Share your thoughts! Let me pick your brain!
The common argument I hear against "ranty", argumentative, bitchy feminists who rage about things such as "The Patriarchy", is that they're basically complaining about nothing. Or rather, they don't have the right to complain about "those sorts of things" because we "really don't have it that bad".
We don't have it "that bad" because we're not living in Africa, Darfur, or the Middle East.
We don't have it that bad because we're a bunch of white/privileged/upper-middle class/rich/American women, living in Western Civilizations.
We're not made to wear Burqas. We are not arrested in nightclubs for wearing a shirt that reveals our back. We don't acid thrown on us like the women we see on Oprah. We're not those women.
We can go to college. We can marry whoever we want. We can work wherever we want. We can get a divorce. We can go on the pill. We can make our own money, and wear what we want...
So we should just shut the fuck up, and stop crying into our Manolos. It's NOT THAT BAD.
I'm sorry, but this argument is fucked. Royally.
Basically, this argument just says to women, "Well, you're not struck by poverty and horrible living conditions, and you're not being raped in the jungle, so really, what the hell have you got to complain about?"
I am by no means saying that I don't have it "better" than the women in Africa and The Middle East who don't have nearly as many freedoms as I do. I think some of their living conditions and daily experiences are horrific and incredibly saddening. And at the same time I feel bad for even saying that I find their way of life "horrific" because really, some of the things we, as Western Women, find "horrific" are traditions, religions, and a heavy part of another woman's culture.
But, just how politically I don't think it's necessarily best for the Western Civilizations to bomb around telling everyone that their governments should look just like ours and function just like ours...I don't think its necessarily right to tell all other women that their religion is completely fucked, and that their lives should look just like ours.
We're all very aware of the fact that as Americans or Canadians or Europeans, our lives are freer, safer, and cleaner than the women in less fortunate situations. We know that.
But I don't think we should just shut up and love where we are because it's not as bad as elsewhere. That's like telling a woman who's husband tells her she's a fat, stupid bitch every night, that she shouldn't really complain, because at least he doesn't hit her.
When it's bad, it's bad. I don't are what level of bad you're at, once you've entered the threshold of "bad", you're in there. Sadness is sadness, no matter how deep.
Therefore, as women in the more "privileged countries", just because we've been told we can be whoever we want to be, and do whatever we want to do...doesn't exactly mean that things are peachy fucking keen.
So please don't tell me that "We've never had it so good!" and that "You've come a long way, baby!"
Try telling that to the MILLIONS of women at this very moment, shoving their delicately manicured fingers down their throats and vomiting up their lunch.
When we clearly have an entire society built on women constantly having to improve themselves, slim down, shape up, "get a beach gorgeous bod", slice themselves open, or starve themselves skeletal, forgive me if I don't really feel like MY GOD, we have come SUCH A LONG WAY!
I mean, I can vote, why should I still have a problem!
It makes me angry, that's why I rant. And I can't help but wonder if the people who are telling us to shut up and to enjoy the freedoms that we've got, are the same people that benefit from us keeping quiet.
The women who want us to shut up because "it's not that bad" benefit from being where they are: on top. They've fought and clawed their way to the top. They've battled the patriarchy and are sitting pretty. And what's that? A bunch of younger women complaining that it's not good enough? Saying that the women on top aren't high enough, and are busy clawing their way to your post - if not higher? My god! Why WOULDN'T they want us to shut up? We might prove them wrong, be better, perhaps even more liberated.
I think the most prevelant example of why things are a lot worse than they seem is in Courtney E Martin's book, Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters. She writes about how the women heard "you have to do everything" when our parent's told us "you can do anything". We are perfectionists, and really, I can't think of a single women I know who isn't.
They may not call themselves that, as the word "perfectionist" sounds almost as dirty as "feminist", but the things that are inside of me -never feeling good enough, desperate need for approval, fear of failing, self-hate, etc- manifest themselves in my daily life in the form of control and perfectionism.
The same traits, even if its just one, exist in many, many women. Too many. Dare I even say millions. They may manifest themselves in other women in different ways aside from perfectionism: eating disorders, depression, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, insomnia, "food issues", distorted body image, etc...Or, they may have all of the imaginable above. It just depends.
As Martin puts it, there's a "starving daughter" in far too many of us; the starving daughter that constantly, unforgivably, reminds us that we're not perfect:
"[We] are full of self doubt. We don't want to worry so much about making other people happy but feel like we can never say thank you enough times, never show enough humility, never help enough, never feel enough shame. We feel guilty. we fear conflict. We are dramatic, sensitive, injured easily. we are clinging to all kinds of attachments that , in our minds, we know we should let go of, but in our bodies, we feel incapable of relinquishing. We are self-pitying, sad, even depressed. We are tired of trying so hard all the time."
Does this hit uncomfortably home for anyone else?
Maybe my views on feminism and women are warped. Maybe I think I am more like other women than I really am. Maybe I am just in line with the fucked up few who feel like this, or partly like this...
But I highly doubt that I am. THIS is what is wrong with our society, and with the brilliant, talented, beautiful young women who EVERY DAY tell themselves that they aren't beautiful enough. Smart enough. Thin enough. Or perfect enough to be worthy for your love, praise, and attention.
The Guardian ran a piece a couple months ago called "We've never had it so good" where Louise Carpenter talked the women of today who are "unburdened by responsibility" and "are experiencing true economic, emotional and sexual freedom". Though she admits her research was "hardly scientific, nor was it socially or economically comprehensive, since I concentrated mainly on women with degrees" she quickly dismisses the impact that has on her findings: "nevertheless it revealed something quite startling".
The only thing I felt was "startling" about her findings were the women she interviewed that clearly lived in some sort of obscure fucked-up Candy Land.
She interviewed women who are all going to universities, all have between "£500 - £1,000" free spending money a month (because THAT'S so normal) and who clearly haven't slummed it any way shape or form at any point in their lives.
Are these the sort of women who are going to complain about the injustices in our society? Um, no. They're the perfect examples of why we shouldn't complain, and they have all the right answers to prove it:
"Intelligence and humour were considered overall more important than looks. They all articulated the importance of feeling sexy over looking sexy, although they made the connection between the two. All thought the size-zero issue was ridiculous and had only vaguely dieted (although none, interestingly, were above a size 12 and most were a 10). Cosmetic surgery was not seen as a real option although I got the impression 'work' for a few of them might at some stage incorporate Botox."
See? Perfect! Those are the girls who are "too good" to get eating disorders. They know better than that, right? One girl in the interview admitted to needing therapy halfway through college because the pressure go to be too much, but that was easily brushed over with more praise and statistics proving that girl power has prevailed, and that since all these women were doing so well, what's the point of feminism?
The more I read through this article the more the women she was interviewing sounded like the Stepford Girls:
"There's no doubt that there is now more pressure than ever to succeed,' il: 'At school and university, it was no longer enough to simply be academically successful.The twentysomething women I know aren't bothered about old-style feminism. We're not interested in trying to feel "empowered", partly because we see ourselves as equal to men now: we can work, vote, sleep around, all without anyone barely batting an eyelid."
REALLY? You can sleep around without anyone barely batting an eyelid? Who do you know? Where are these people? And what fucking drugs are you on??
I love the "we're not interested in feeling empowered" bit. I wonder why she feels that there is so much pressure on her, and what she does and thinks behind closed doors. Where does that pressure come from? Hmmmm sister? Probably just from yourself. And I wonder what she would say if she was asked if she thought her male counterparts had to work as hard as she did?
"In some ways that's liberating, but at the same time it's as if we've become suffocated by choice: we have nothing to complain about and nothing left to fight for. We don't have to get married to survive, and if we do we can get divorced if it doesn't work out how we hoped. Men now take a substantial share of domestic responsibility and much more of a role in child-rearing. My career choices as a woman starting out on the ladder are endless."
Yup! You're right. Everything is just PERFECT HERE. This girl has it all figured out. I'm just wondering what society it is that she lives in because I think that there are PLENTY of people that would disagree with her.
Oh, but then we have the statistics to show us that SEE? Women are doing so well! Never mind that we're fucking killing ourselves to get there, by god, just look at our dazzling statistics!
33 is the average age for women to get married. Twenty years ago, it was 26.
(Thank god. Marriage rots your brain.)
3x- likelihood of British men to commit suicide, as compared with women.
(Great! We're killing ourselves less! That's swell!)
26 is the average age for women to have children. In 1971 it was 23.
(Thank god. Babies rot your brain. Plus, who has time to have babies? You're too busy BEING PERFECT.)
40% of professional jobs in UK are held by women.
(FORTY??? FORTY PERCENT??? Yeah. That's definitely something TO FUCKING CELEBRATE. Way to look at the glass half full, bitch.)
20% of young women break the government's alcohol limits.
(Well thank god. There's nothing worse than young women drinking more than a pint of cider. They get out. of. control.)
Carpenter closes her article by saying, "The future is bright and it is female. Maybe it is the poor, confused young men we should be worried about."
She's just wrong on so many levels, it hurts me.
Maybe there is a group of delusional women *cough CAITLIN FLANAGAN cough* who wander around pretending that things are swell and we can do whatever we want whilst those other women of the world starve themselves, throw up their food, check themselves in and out of therapy, and continue to feel disgusted with themselves for not being perfect...but I'm sure as fuck not one of them.
And I doubt I'm alone on this one. The political IS the personal. If the US government chipping away at women's right to control their bodies doesn't scare you, it should. If you think the situation of "the blonde girl with big tits and a small IQ getting promoted before you" doesn't exist, think again. Because it sure as fuck does.
Abortion is a real issue. Body image is a real issue. Perfectionism and depression exist, and they don't just happen to weak, broken girls. Rape doesn't just happen in Darfur and in Lifetime movies.
You can continue to hide under your Kate Moss for Topshop dress and pretend it doesn't, and pretend that feminism is unneeded and unwanted, and continue to tell us that we don't have it that bad...
But while you're doing that, we'll continue to rant, and rage, and act, and write, and Bitch and Bust about it until you can't ignore us any more.
I am a young, privileged, white American woman. I am intelligent. I have a loving husband. I have a wonderful home. I have a family that loves me. I am beautiful. I am thin. I have and make my own money. I do what I love for a living...
I have a depressive disorder that I will carry the rest of my life. I have been sexually harassed. I have been emotionally abused. I have been in unhealthy relationships. In my short lifetime, I have made myself throw up food. I have a self-inflicted scar on my left wrist. I have been to therapy, and probably will go again in the future. I have body image issues. I have issues with food.
Because of all this, I know that feminism is important.
I know that from the outside looking in, I shouldn't have a worry in the world. But on the inside looking out, I feel my pain. I can see pain in other women.
And that is why I rage. Because I am beautiful, and I so want to believe that. I have to know that one day I can say that, and mean it. Mean every single letter. And until then, I will fight. And I will continue fighting until I know that every little girl and every young woman and every old woman can say it and mean it too.
If that's not something to fight for, I don't know what is.