4 posts tagged “diablo cody”
I've been thinking a lot about passion lately.
Passion. Conviction. Confidence. Audaciousness.
In fact, I'm thinking a lot about it right now, as I sit here sipping Welch's grape juice spiked with Raspberry Vox Vodka, and devouring Digestives smothered in some creamy garlicy cheese with a fancy name I can't remember.
It's hard to keep your head on straight (and sober) when you feel like half the world around you is going mad. One half gets it. That half is awesome and will buy you drinks and roll their eyes at you in mutual disgust when the that other Crazy Half starts up again.
I'm tired. I can't remember the last time I was this tired...
At the moment I wrote that sentence I had the old Third Eye Blind song "Motorcycle Drive By" pop in to my head, with the line "I've never been so alone, but I've never been so alive."
And that's how I feel. I feel on the verge of a nervous, exhausted breakdown, or on the verge of taking off and flying as high as I can. I'm waiting for a breaking point. I can feel it happening. I can feel that things are going to break, and this training session will soon over.
I don't want to have to worry about the water bill or my dental bill any more. And I hate to say, but I know I won't have to forever.
I am bigger than this moment, and in the words of John Mayer, I am bigger than my body.
I can tell you one thing, this whole blogging deal has done my head in a bit. It bothers me that I can't keep up with how everyone is doing all the time, and I hate that I carry this guilt around that I haven't emailed that person back, or read that post someone sent me, or commented back on someone's blog. I'm too guilty for all that pressure!
I got tired of worrying if what I was writing about what too serious, or too vague, or too silly, or too short. I think because I blog for a living, I've lost touch with what it's like to just run a personal blog.
I feel like I've virtually left a gigantic poop trail of my life and my beliefs and my frosting all over the internet, and I forget sometimes that work is work, and that I can still sit down on my PC, curl up with all of you guys, and just say,
"Dude. I saw this chick on the train today, and she was sticking the tips of her fingers in her mouth and pushing back the cuticles on each finger with her teeth....Man. I almost fucking gagged."
That really happened. And when it happened my first thought was, "Oh shit! I should blog that." And then I didn't for some reason. Mostly because I'm a douche.
When I'm trying to cope, and trying to remain inspired, I become completely transfixed by the people, objects, words that I find inspiring. Some might say it's just me being lazy, and that watching all of Violet Blue's vlogs on Blip.tv is actually "inspiration research", but for me, it is. It's how I stay sane. If I want to get myself all fired up to get some shit done, I'll read the blogs of some seriously audacious women. I'll read Wikepedia entries on them. I'll go to the screening of the movie they wrote and sit in awe at how completely fucking awesome it is.
And then I'll pshaw and say, "I CAN BE AWESOME, TOO, YOU KNOW?"
And so that's my plan. I'm going to be awesome. And I'm not going to waste my time trying to convince others that I'm awesome, because I shouldn't have to. Because if you are not shocked and awed my the amount of awesome that radiates from my skin, then clearly, there is something completely wrong with you.
Yeah. I have an ego sometimes.
But the thing is, YOU HAVE TO HAVE AN EGO when it starts to seem like everyone else that you deal with on a day to day basis is trying to constantly let you know that you're only at Awesome Level 3, and that you're simply just not trying hard enough to reach a level 6.
To which I say SUCK IT, I'm at a god damn fucking level 10 and you're just trying to STIFLE THE AWESOME.
I've learned a lot about my coping skills recently. I wrote a couple months ago about how I was feeling depressed. Thankfully, my depression has lifted and I'm learning what STRESS feels like sans the horrible depressed feeling. To some people this is how you live every day. You're happy. You're sad. You get stressed.
I have never known stress without the horrible consuming feeling of depression, so it's been a bit of a learning curve for me. My mind sort of freaks out and goees, "Wa? I'm feeling unpleasant. I'm feeling like things are a bit out of control. But like...I don't feel like curling up and dying!? WHAT IS THIS FEELING!?" And I finally figured out it was stress.
The weird thing about experiencing stress without depression is that I'm now able to see how much I hold everything in. I hold it in, and I try not to completely freak out about things. I seem to think that holding everything in and laughing at how ridiculous everything is is coping. However, it's not exactly coping, it's getting by and it's me trying to keep from admitting to myself how la poo things can get, because if I admit to myself that things are shitty, then I must have failed. Makes sense, NO?
But anyway. I've seen some killer movies latley on my route to inspiration. Fox Searchlight has been kicking some serious ass lately with their Irish film Once. If you like music, harmony, and a great story - you must see this film. It will knock your socks off and make your heart ache. (And then cause you to drop the $12 on Amazon so you can listen to the soundtrack over and over again.)
Last night I went to a screening of Juno. I reviewed it here, but can I just say that if you don't go see it, you're a fool. A COMPLETE FOOL. It's fucking brilliant. If I could make sweet, sweet cinematic love to one film this year: this would be it. It's written by the fabulous Diablo Clody, who I sort of have a girl crush on, and the dialogue in this thing is just electric. And if you don't fall in love with Ellen Page by the end of this film, you, again, are a FOOL.
Ellen Page is at an Awesome Level 19. Just so we're clear.
And anyway. That is all folks. And now, I leave you with this. PORK SWORDS, my friends. PORK SWORDS.
So, I'm lame and am now just NOW doing this. But, eh, better late than never?
I'm stealing/reblogging/totally copying the Fabulous Kelli's post that's even on the much coveted [this is good] section of Vox.
My Blog Crushes:
This is probably the 498th time I've linked to her, but she's just so fucking fabulous I can't help myself. I seriously sat there for a week straight just pouring through her archives. After being discovered on her blog, she got a book deal, has been on David Letterman, and is currently working with Steven Spielberg working on a script for a TV show. OH, and did I mention that she wrote the screenplay for the upcoming movie Juno? Sigh, she's my Blog Idol.
Simply because his Bloggy Is A Wonderland. Witty, smart, hilarious...Love it.
Because you are hilarious. You make my sides hurt, and you're just honest.Very refreshing
Heather is just, I can't say enough good things about her. She's daring, and brave, and writes in such a way that she can make me cry and laugh in every single post. I also devoured her archives like a book. Everything she has been through and everything she stands for I admire. Plus, she's made a living out of doing this. Fuck yes. I, sadly, would probably shit myself if I were to ever meet her in person. Seriously.
Maggie Mason is brilliant. She also runs the blog Mighty Goods, which she was recently interviewed about on NPR and her blog was named one of the top 50 by Time magazine. She also wrote the book "No One Cares What You Had For Lunch: 100 ideas for your blog" which is one of the first blog books that helps you with your CONTENT, not just the design or functionality. Love her, love her, love her.
Plus, all of the ladies that I message and talk to on Vox or all the other nooks and crannies the Internet has to offer...
You know who you are, and I love you all.
"I bet you we'll get in there, and they'll be out of it!"
"Yeah, or they close at, like, 7:12 on Mondays..."
So after Borders closed at 5 on Sunday....And the receipt I was saving for my promised 15% off after I completed a phone survey was SMUDGED to SHIT from the rain...
I finally made it inside Borders. (And without throwing a brick through the window.)
I practically ran to the Social Science section, where the Women's Studies shelf is, to buy my much coveted copy of Diablo Cody's book Candy Girl: A year in the life of an unlikely Stripper.
And then, when I got there....Well, that empty, barren book shelf to the left is where my book should have been. I laughed. Of course the book wasn't where it was supposed to be. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I started sweating, searching around for my hardback equivalent to a chocolate eclair.
Thankfully, one of the employees managed to stop slitting his wrists for 15 seconds to show me where he had maliciously hid my book.
And then...there it was. In all of it's hard bound glory.
I practically had a literary orgasm....
I skipped and tra-la-la-ed my way to the register and then explained that my %15 off voucher looked like it had been tampered with due to the rain from yesterday.
"But see? I decoded it for you! On the top there...Yeah, the second to last digit is either a 4 or a 1..or a 7..."
Apparently it was a 4, and it worked.
I finally, after much trial and tribulation had my book.
What one girl will do just to read a memoir on stripping...sheesh.
