9 posts from February 2008

Hi everyone! How are you? You good? Good! I'm glad. [I'm glad you're good]

This week I finally got over The Sickness that I had last week. All I know is that I had flu symptoms, and my glands (in rather awkward places...) swelled up so badly I resorted to Googling my problems, which, let me tell you, was a bad idea. So bad in fact, I called Iain in a flood of tears explaining that I may have:

a) Sleeping African Disease
b) AIDS
c) The Plague
d) The Clap
e) Cancer
d) all of the above and would most certainly die or/and become infertile

These were all actual answers as to why my gland were swollen, paired with my other symptoms. Apparently swollen glands equals cancer and untimely death on the internet, so that's why I was more than glad when a nurse at the NHS informed me that no, I probably wasn't dying, and no, I more than likely didn't have African Sleeping Disease.

So, to celebrate my newfound health, I attended a rather boring conference with the sole purpose of wanting to sit through an hour of a rather intensely geeky Masterclass, put on by a certain "University".

Said Masterclass was useful, but the "professors" were the most dry, unfunny, robotic people I've ever seen in my life.  (Which is why I would much rather have attended this Google Talk in Mountain View, aka The Place Of My Birth.) They didn't even attempt at making a joke, yet they were kind enough to provide us with a plethora of goodies, including a bottle of water and a packet of candy with a Google sticker on the front. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that they were not actually Google candy, but simply an assortment of sweets from another company and simply passed them off as their own. I'M ON TO YOU.

Yesterday's traditional festivities are something I generally prefer to ignore and not acknowledge. I had an angry post all ready to go in my head, and I realized that hating Valentine's Day is just too hip this year, so I decided against it.

Iain and I had planned about a month ago that this year, we would finally celebrate V Day together properly, and maybe do a dinner and a movie thing, and finally go see Cloverfield. No presents. And then about Sunday last week we realized we just couldn't be bothered, and that maybe we'd just go to the movies this weekend...but probably not. (Staying home and watching Top Gear reruns whilst eating pizza is so much better.)

Come 6 o'clock last night we met on New Oxford Street, ready to do our usual walk/shove to the Tube station when we decided to pop into Jessops ( a camera shop) and lust after some of the JVC camcorders we've been drooling over for the past couple weeks...

...and then we wandered up Tottenham Court Road to all of the electronic shops just to look at the other cameras that are out now and to "let the tube crowds die down"...

And then some man showed us the most glorious camcorder I've ever touched. It was blue. It was shiny. It was lightweight. It could fit in my hand bag. It was recorded purely on SD. IT WAS LOVE.

Then, some sort of wildly erotic exchange happened when this man said the magical words of "DISCOUNT" and "SPECIAL PRICE JUST FOR YOU" and next thing I know, Iain and I were walking out of the shop sweating, shaking, and giggling with ecstasy.

Iain got me the Sanyo Xacti VPC-CA65EX in the prettiest blue color I've ever laid eyes on. AND IT'S WATERPROOF!!! Plus, all the cool kid Bloggers in the states seem to think this is pretty nifty, too.

THEN we bought a 4GB SD card that you can fold and plug directly into your USB port. *quiver*

AND THEN he took me to the Eagle Bar & Grill were they serve ANCHOR STEAM...AND MACARONI AND CHEESE.

We sat there playing around with the Xacti and drinking and stuffing our face with American style food. It was probably one of the best moments that I've had in a long time. I was relaxed. I was content. We didn't intend on having a date on Valentine's day. Nor did I expect such a fabulous gift that pulls my face into some drooly, geeky smile whenever I think about it.

Last night was so much better than any Hallmark commercial or romantic comedy could have portrayed. Don't give me roses. Don't book us into some fancy restaurant where we'll feel obligated to be in good moods and enjoy the food and stare into each other's eyes longingly because we have to and because god dammit we payed good money for all this *romance*!!

Take me to a bar with good beer! Serenade me with the cheesy beats from some z-list DJ with a mullet! Seduce me with spontaneity! Shower me with 4GB SD cards, mini USB cables and waterproof cameras. *SWOON*

After last night, I think we're found that the best way to find romance...is on accident. (And with some really fucking cool gadgets.)

If you're looking for something to bake for your other half this Valentine's Day, or are just looking for something to stuff your face with while you *ugly cry* about being single...I'm your gal! Or rather, I spent shit loads of time searching for recipes and creating this nifty cupcake collage for you, so you don't have to!

Kzinti sent me a link to a fabulous recipe for red velvet cupcakes, and then I went nuts and starting searching for as many as I could find, so, here ye be.

1. "Red Velvet Cupcakes" from Eat Yet?
2.  "I am a Southern Belle" from Cream Puffs in Venice
3. "Have Your Roses and Eat Them Too" from Bakerella
4. "Red Velvet Cupcakes" from Recipe Girl (thanks Kzinti!)
5. "Redrum for Stephen King" from YumSugar

Number five would have to be my favorite, as despite it obviously not being meant for Valentine's Day, but rather for Stephen King's birthday, it just seems to perfectly sum up my feelings toward this ridiculous holiday. (That I have full intentions of probably, most likely celebrating and enjoying...but with the utmost contempt...if that's possible.)

Enjoy!

So if you happen to be reading The Telegraph today, and you happen to mosey on over to the Digital Life section, you will more than likely see this:

The lovely Camilla Chafer was kind enough to interview Iain and I about how we met, and then another lovely lady from the Telegraph met us on our lunch hour and took our photo. She took us to about three different locations, but we had to take a photo with a laptop. That's actually Iain's personal laptop in the photo, which is really cool considering that's the laptop he used way back when we first started emailing, etc.

The other locations they took us to were a lot cooler and cozier than than the Cafe Nero above  the Paperchase on Oxford Street, but we're still pleased with it. Plus, considering this is the Digital Life section, we knew they would end up using the LOOK AT US BEING ALL COUPLEY AND NATURAL SHARING THIS LAPTOP AND BROWSING THE WORLD WIDE WEB. Unfortunately they didn't use the one of us reenacting meeting for the first time, or the one wear I flashed the camera and Iain threw Mardi Gras beads at me from a balcony.

However, saying all that, we are very happy with the photo. (Let's be real, look at me at the photo above and now look at me here. Yeah. A bit of a difference, non??) Camilla did such a wonderful job and quoted us exactly, and this one bit of publicity that I can actually show my grandma! I didn't curse or say vagina once!

If you haven't heard about the tragedy of Jesus and the Wiener Poopie,  I suggest you watch this video. Be prepared, though. It's a tear jerker. This woman thought her statue of Jesus was safe on her front yard, but NO. Someone STOLE JESUS. They STOLE HIM and wrote a RANSOM note for Jesus, claiming this woman had disrespected their yard with some wiener poopie:

"We are holding Jesus ransom until you clean up the poopie from your wieners and trust us we see you take your weiners for long walks without picking up their poopie in our yards. This has upset us dearly. So please, clean up all the wiener poopie if want to see Jesus unharmed."

The woman, Jean, is smarter than the Jesus-scatchers thought, however, as she reckons it's a kid that wrote the carefully scripted ransom note. Why? They happened to draw little lines by Jesus' name and Jean explains that "no adult would take the time to do that...and 'wiener poopie'? My gosh." See? That Jean is on it. I would have thought the fancy circles above their "i"'s were a clear giveaway.

[via Dooce]

Politics has always be en one of those things that I've shied away from.

I was still in high school when this war started. I was only 16 when the Twin Towers fell.

I knew I was angry. I knew I felt sick to my stomach what was happening. All of the sudden that crap that went on in the mystical, frightening "middle east" was on our soil. I didn't understand it, and mostly, I think I still don't understand it.

In 2001, I was thankful that George Bush was our President. He was our savior. Our cowboy. He stood in front of us all, and said that he'd get the bastards that did this to us. To our people. To New York. To all of us. I wore MIA dog tags for a missing New York firefighter. His name was Peter Lagone. My mom wore one with his brother's name on it, Thomas Lagone.

In my simple, young mind, I though that we should just trust the President. I was angry, we were all angry. Bomb the bastards. I truly felt that way. Bomb them. They can't touch us. Better them than us.

We went to Afghanistan. The Taliban. Osama Bin Laden.

Then, almost two years later, I remember sitting in my Economics class, and our teacher turned on the TV so we could all watch the Shock & Awe. The song "Bombs Over Baghdad" popped in my head. The bright, lime green flashes of light reminded me of when I was 5, watching what was happening in the Golf War.

I tried not to think of the people that were dying in all the fireworks. Then the bell rang and I was over it. We walked out of the classroom, more concerned with how many credits we needed to make up so we could graduate.

When I was 18 I registered as a Repuiblican at the same time I signed the petition to get Gray Davis out of office...outside of a Target.

After we had been in Iraq for over a year, and it became clear that maybe there weren't those WMDs after all, I became a little suspicious.

We were at war. I wasn't quite sure why anymore. The anger I felt because of 9/11 had faded away. I supported the troops. I knew that much. It wasn't their fault, they were doing their job.

Come 2004, it was time to vote for Bush or Kerry. I felt like we needed to be out of Iraq. However, Kerry was a jackass. Edwards seemed like an overpaid weather man with bad hair. When they spoke, I didn't believe them. Was it the Republican in me that hated them, or did I just not trust them?

I voted for Bush. I voted for him on the notion that this was his mess, his war, and he was going to have to fucking clean it up. I didn't want Jackass and Weatherman coming into office with their fake hair and lies, and try to clean up something that was far greater, and had far more secrets than they knew about.  

Slowly I really began to wonder about Bush. The troops. Rumsfeld. I got tired of being a Republican.

I think was really did it for me was the gay marriage issue. How in the fucking world did they not see that denying gay people the right to marriage was unconstitutional? It still blows my mind. How, HOW do you DENY someone ANYTHING because of WHO THEY LOVE? Do you really care THAT MUCH where someone's dick goes? How they get off? Who they cuddle up to at night?

And why do you care about that?? OH. That's right. Some mythical guy who can turn water into wine and wore Birkenstocks. Sure, he was a lovely guy, but I thought he taught people about love, and peace. And I'm also pretty sure that old ass book that tells you one man is not suppose to lay next to (or in) another man is just that: OLD AS FUCK.

Don't talk to me about being Green and Global Warming and tell me that the "state of the union is strong"  and expect me to take you seriously when you still tell people who they can and can't fuck. Or try to tell me what I can or can't do with my uterus.

I eventually registered as "Decline To State".

After moving to London, and after really getting involved and realizing how much I cared about feminism, and just equality for everyone (except stupid people) I realized what a fucked up mess all this Republican, Democrat, Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter bulllllshit is.

On my way home from the fucked up Feminism conference I went to in Newcastle, I started really thinking about politics. I was on fire. I didn't agree with everything those hardcore, ridiculously hardcore feminist said...but I knew one thing. We need a change.

Desperately, desperately need a change.

I walked into a bookstore at the Newcastle train station. I looked for any magazine or book that wasn't about Britney Spears or the confessions of a hooker...and then I saw Hillary Clinton's smug little smile staring at me from across the aisle.

Growing up, I was taught to hate Bill Clinton, and to hate Hillary even more. I remember thinking that he was slime after the whole Lewinsky, cigar incident, and thinking that Hillary was a moron for staying with him. Now, I realize that I don't give a shit. I don't care about who people fuck or what their relationship is like. I think in politics people tend to care too much about that stuff. ("I FUCK MY WIFE!"...5:45 in the video. The rest of is is Bill Maher being a misogynist asshole.)

I started to read Hillary's book, and realized that she was much more human than everyone thinks. I read about her family, how she grew up, her time in law school. I read about her views on Medicare, and how involved she was in Bill's presidency. I'll be honest and say I haven't finished it, I'm about half way through Bill's first term, but I had read enough to know I believed in Hillary.

I decided to vote for her back in July.

I had to ask myself if I wanted to vote for her because she was a woman, or because I thought she would be the right person for the job. The answer is both. As I said before, we need a change. A big one. It's absolutely RIDICULOUS that we haven't had a female leader yet. Hillary is the closest we're going to get for a very long time, and I know that she's the right person for the job. I feel it in my bones.

On the contrary, if Condi Rice was running, I would NOT vote for her. Yes, she's a woman. No, I don't think she's right for the job. But, you probably just think I'm racist, and that's why I'd chose not to vote for her, right?

My politics have changed dramatically., but I changed them on my own. There are things that I care very much about. I care very much about womens rights, and you know there's no way in HELL Hillary is going to reverse Roe vs Wade.

I know she made some lame voting decisions in the Senate. I've been told everything about Hillary from the fact that she's a criminal and a fake, to a communist. For the record, I'm not a moron. I know politicians are dirty, and I don't expect any less than that from the Clintons. They've probably killed people and hid their bodies somewhere at Camp David. To be honest, I don't care. I suppose this even gives them street cred. Maybe they even have their own gang signs.

I've been told Bill Clinton was a horrible president, granted I was very young while he was in power, but I don't recall any wars, any drastic financial crisis...only a stain on a blue dress.

At the end of the day, I trust that Hillary is going to go in there and kick ass. It's the best of both worlds for me, she's going to tackle the issues I care about (universal health care, civil unions -not the same as gay marriage I KNOW-, getting our troops out of Iraq, stem cell research) and she'll be breaking the highest glass ceiling there is by doing it.

I'm sure Obama's a great guy. I'm sure he's a great politician. I'm sure he'd probably do well as the President. But just not now. Not where our country is at the moment.

I've seen him talk, and I just don't believe him. I don't get excited by what he has to say, or how he says it. Call me stupid, but I need to feel something when someone who wants my vote talks to me. Obama talks...I feel nothing.

On the contrary, when Hillary talks I get goose bumps. I get excited. I BECOME SEXUALLY AROUSED at the thought of her giving a State of the Union speech.

I suppose the bottom line for me, is that I've made up my mind who I want to be my President.

I don't feel the need to swap statistics, or voting histories, or secret facts with you. I don't want to hear about some book that was written that proves why Hillary is a commie or why Obama is inexperienced. I don't care. In politics, I really don't believe there is any truth. I don't take anything for fact. I go with my gut, and take in as much information as I can understand, and try to form an opinion about something, which I feel is as close to the truth as I can get.

This is why I am voting for Hillary Clinton in 2008.

This is why I'm Decline To State.

I am not Democrat. I am not Republican.

I am simply an American, who has seen and experienced how the rest of the world sees us. It's not pretty, at the moment. We're in a bit of a mess. We need a clean up crew. We need a change.

We need some ovaries. Women get shit done.

 

Somebody really needs to help Heidi Montag, as it appears that she's suffering from a serious hand flailing condition. Perhaps it's an early case of rheumatoid arthritis, but I have a feeling she's trying to replicate the Diva Hands condition that such singers as Mariah Carey, Jessica Simpson and Christina Aguilera all seem to suffer from.

Case in point, Heidi's video for her new song, which appears to be titled, "Roll Around On The Beach" from what I can tell from the video. While her vocal style seem to be heavily influenced by such musical power houses as Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Hillary Duff, her showmanship needs some serious work.

In this video, so carefully directed by her fiance, Spencer Twat, Heidi tries her best to squat in the sand, roll in the waves, and sing atop some rocks with natural grace, yet her erratic hand movements really take away from the essence of this song. It's a shame, really.