Thanks, Moms! You're raising a generation of assholes...
However, it's getting rather difficult to concentrate when there are numerous screeching children surrounding me. I'm by no means saying that women with children should stay home. I'm not saying that they should stay out of Starbucks.
What I am saying, is that I'm pretty sure that when I was 3, if I were shrieking at the top of my lungs, my mom wouldn't simply be cooing, "Cate, shhhh. Please don't scream like that, darling," at me each time I opened my mouth to release a sound that can only be compared to the noise mating foxes make.
May I also just point out real quick that I paid attention to how many women with strollers walked by the window where I was sitting for a half hour. Do you want to know how many I saw? 37. Most of these women actually came into Starbucks. But I digress.
Obviously, I'm not a parent.
I don't know what it's like to raise a child, or to discipline a child. The only point of reference I have is how my mom raised me, and I can tell you, if I were screaming or throwing a tantrum anywhere in public, I would have been dragged to the car and taken home immediately.
I can hear all the mothers shouting that "since I'm so fucking smart" maybe I should give them some advice on how I would get a screaming child to stop, and to be honest, I don't have the answer. (Aside from things that will end up with you going to prison, or your children being taken away from you...)
All I do know, is that cooing and and asking a child to please stop screaming in the same tone you'd ask someone to please pass the popcorn in the movie theaters is pointless. Obviously, it's not working, as still this child is screaming.
An hour ago there was another mum just letting her 2-year-old-ish- daughter stand directly in front of the door of Starbucks and hang on the door handle. Fortunately for Mumsy, the only people coming in this shop at the moment are other mothers who just stand outside the shop making "OMG HOW CUTE ARE YOU!?!" faces at the kid blocking the doorway.
Again, I'm pretty sure my mom would have made me sit in my chair quietly. Maybe I would be coloring. Maybe I would be looking at a picture book. Perhaps eating boogers. All I know is that I wouldn't have been dangling from the door handle of a busy coffee house. All it would take would be for one person to not be looking below eye level, push the door open, and the kid would be on it's ass, and potentially smack it's head on the tile floor. SAFE, NON?
"You will fear your parents authority"
or
"You will not scream like a wild banshee in public"
Did Fraggle Rock teach us to shudder in fear at the idea of a time-out?
Maybe I was just a better behaved kid than the ones in this Starbucks. Maybe it was easier for my parents to threaten me with 'GOING BACK TO THE CAR RIGHT THIS INSTANT IF YOU DON'T BEHAVE' because I actually feared them and the authority they had over me.
But what does it say if every child of the 2-5 age range that comes in this shop clearly has no regard for it's parent's discipline?
(Currently, the screaming child is screeching "BOW BOW BOW bow bow BOW BOW BAH BAB BAH BAH BAH EYA YAYAAAAAAAAA" in a voice so shrill I'm pretty sure it would turn all the teenagers within a 5 miles of this cafe to mist. The mother's reaction? "Matt. Please. Shhhhh. Shhh...Please don't scream." Did I mention she was using a voice more suitable for the Hail Mary?)
Sure, there's a chance that you can check back in on me in 10 years or so if I decide have kids, and maybe I'll be the asshole mom who lets my kid tear around a coffee shop and scream bloody murder because:
a) I have a latte and The Guardian and get to play adult for a half hour, to hell with the studying University students' peace and quiet, THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE.
b) I have a latte and The Guardian and am so happy to be out of the house and around adults that I don't even hear my kid screaming.
...but I doubt it.
Comments
AMEN AMEN AMEN. I encounter this kind of thing all the time.
On a sort of related note...
don't you love all those stupid emails sent around that say stuff about how "when we were kids" (and this is mostly for anyone born before 1970) we used to ride our bikes without helmets and ride in cars without seatblets, and our teachers smacked us with rulers and all this other crap that is unacceptable or illegal in today's society..."but we turned out okay!" We did? I don't think so! I think there are more fucked up people 50 and under than you can count! People who are disrespectful, not respectable, act like children and HAVE children that they don't discipline because they are too busy trying to remain children than to act like a responsible adult and raising their kids properly and thinking of the kids welfare first before your own selfish needs (of course I'm not saying that just because you have kids you have to deprive yourself of everything, just get your fucking priorities straight). There are so many messed up people I can't even think about it. And they are having kids....
Okay...enough from me.
But, AMEN.
That doesn't mean I beat my children or scream until I burst blood vessels in my eyes. It means I'm strict enough to know that them acting like fools in public is not acceptable. And it makes me look like a moron.
If they act up, we leave immediately and there is some sort of punishment coming. Oddly enough, I don't remember the last time my children were "bad" in public.
Kids now are lucky. My parents would have drug me into the bathroom and fired my legs. Hence the reason I was a pretty good kid.
Just like training puppies and other animals, consistency is key.
Being the oldest of 5 kids.. my parents were very strict but very loving. It was "yes Ma'am, No Ma'am" and "Yes Sir/No Sir" and I hated every minute of it. I swore that I would never make my children act that way. Then when my oldest daughter was 4.5 she put her hand hip and cocked it and did the neck twist. From that moment forward it has been "Yes Ma'am & No Ma'am" for all my kids.
The other thing my parents did is if we did not behave in public - like a resturant - then the very next time the family went out for dinner the child that misbahaved previously had a babysitter and a PB& J sandwich. I have done that with my kids and each of them have only stayed home once - never wanting to be left out again.
Parents should not be afraid to be firm, strict and consistent with their kids. The unfortunate part of it it that at times the parents that do not discipline their children threaten to call CPS on the disciplinary parent. Not knocking CPS.. they have a purpose.. and there are kids that reuly need their protection.. but don't call them because I swatted my child on the butt when he was naughty on purpose.
Personally, I'm not joking when I say you'd find my kinds handcuffed, with mouths duct taped, after I had given them a firm spanking. Which is why I know I shouldn't have kids.
and this made a Man.. unlike now.. the old ways are better.. but i guess they're a bit inapplicable now, why? i don't know..
there should be a smarter old-ways-like way of raising children..
Love your observations but unfortunately my ideas would get me jailed but one of those dog collars that keep them from barking is my thought!
Unfortunately parents have had the ability to carry out any threats of discipline, and go to your room lives kids with only the TV to watch or to play video games and yes they get there food brought to them some punishment! I got out of line when I was a kid I got hit, when I was a teenager if I did something wrong I would go to jail, in such a short time kids control there parents and teens do what they want its only a slap on the wrist, would love to live long enough to see this generations dealing with children worst then they were! I guess there is Justus……
Hope you don’t mind me adding you I enjoy the way you observe things and how it shows up in your writing!
which means, even if you have a cart full of groceries and your family really needs the food, if your kids start melting down and losing it in the grocery store, the only way they will take you seriously is when you say "if you don't calm down, we're leaving" and then leave.
most parents don't leave.
Red Pen - Totally. This is why I'm scared to have kids.
Crankypants - It frightens me when the crazies you know procreate. This is why I don't get why people get all pissy about couples making the choice not to have children. Sorry, but more people should make that decision. Our society is at a point now where I think it would be better if people put some more goddamn thought into bringing children into the world.
Natalie - I agree. I'm by no means a conservative, traditional Republican - but some of this liberal, psychological bullshit that's come out on the better way to raise your child...it's too extreme. Hence people being afraid of disciplining their children. I think some women are afraid of looking like Mommy Dearest by yelling at their kids, but I would applaud someone if they were to sternly tell their kid to knock off the screaming. I'm agree that screaming and yelling at your kid isn't the way to go, but you gotta have some seriousness in your voice.
Texas Crude - I love the image of Whoopi Goldberg telling some kids that she'd eat them.
Oink - I agree that having more tolerance from other's would help, as well. I know I sound super judgey-wudgey, but if a kid is simply talking or a baby makes those excited screeching noises, it's not that big of a deal. They're kids, what do you expect? There's a fine line between letting your kid be a kid, verses being overly passive and afraid of enforcing some discipline.
Hegemone - AH! The whole "here's some candy, now shut the hell up" thing bothers me. As does when parents just treat the TV like a babysitter. Hello, this is why we have a ton of overweight, lazy kids who do nothing but eat sugar and laze in front of the TV. I'm not saying kids shouldn't be allowed candy or TV, but hello, it's called moderation.
Charms - Strict but loving is the key. You can do both. It's not easy but that's exactly what you need growing up.
LeendaDLL - I just got this great vision of you at a Starbucks, with your kids handcuffed to the table with pink, fuzzy handcuffs.
Minim - Thank you! :)
falcon.kmc - I hate being in that situation. It's like, how many times can you turn around and give them a dirty look? And you can't really say anything because then they automatically do the, "WELL. What do YOU suggest?? How many kids do YOU have? Until you're a parent, you'll NEVER UNDERSTAND." Gah.
Mark - lol, yup. That'll do it. Or hang out in suburban Starbucks at around 11:00 in the morning. It's a treat.
Jamie - Thank you! Yeah, I don't get the whole "go to your room...and play video games" sort of punishment, lol. Thanks for the add!
Karen - Very true. Most parents don't leave. I think when I was little I was not only afraid of my mom yelling at me, but afraid of being embarrassed. I was a perfectionist growing up (ok, fine, still am) and the thought of looking like The Bad Daughter in public was enough to make me shut up, lol.
Jamie... that touches on another point, TV and video games in their room? I wasn't allowed a tv in my room until I was 14, even if I could afford it myself!
Being sent to your room should be that you have to think about what you did (or take the time to clean up the mess!)
Yeah dinner was brought to us, but that meant you didn't get to choose your food so you ended up with mostly veg and no dessert!
Being sent to your room (or the car if you were out) was the worst punishment imaginable, I used to dred the moment my dad would pull out his car keys if we were out and misbehaving.
As the mother of a two and a five-year-old, I'd like to make the following general observations:
Diet - There is still so much shit and sugar in foods aimed at children it's no wonder that the only way they can deal with the sugar rush is to charge and scream around or to flop and scream around when the sugar slump kicks in. I tend to find the parents that are 'happy' to allow their children to behave that way are also going to be smothering broccoli in sugar to give themselves what they think is an easy life so each meal time isn't a battle.
Self-help parenting books - Publications like the 'Contented little baby whisperer', I think, should be burned - they stifle every single instinct you're born with. I just think they're so wrong. When you have your first new baby you're so vulnerable and so worried you're doing everything wrong and then these books sweep in and convince you that this is indeed the case.
Routine - it's a bore, but children thrive on routine - people who are determined not to allow their children to affect their lifestyles are making their lives ten times harder. People who take their kids to the pub until 10 at night, or don't think to let them have a couple of hours sleep during the day sometimes end up with fractious, miserable and insecure children.
Temptation - It's blindingly obvious, but if you don't introduce chocolate into your children's lives, then they're not going to pester you for it ditto sweets, toys, fast food etc.
No - it's a really easy word to say, it's sometimes harder to stick to, but if you do, they soon realise not to go on and on because they know it won't make any difference.
Anyway, that's my two penneth - I cringe when I see some parents; mainly because it just looks like they don't care much for their children's safety. I don't pretend to have all the answers - I just make it up as I go along, but I just wanted to say something in defence of parents who do try to keep their kids under control.
I remember when I asked at the age of 12 to have a tv in my room. I was laughed at...a lot. So for my birthday that year they bought me a study desk (which I still have and use). About the only thing I allow the six year old to have even remotely close to that is her Nintendo DS, and even that has limitations.
One of my tricks though is to not send my kids to their room to "think about it." I tried that for a little while and they'd go in and play til they were exhausted. So now, they go to my room and sit on the bed. They hate it! Since we started that, there hasn't been much need for them to "think about it."
when i babysit, that chick goes in the corner and stays there till she behaves. funny thing is, i'm the only one she behaves her. she ignores her parents because she doesn't respect them. but i'll be damned if she doesn't listen to every word i tell her when it's just me and her. i'm gonna be the best parents ever!...famous last words.
but anyway, in short, i agree. small kids don't get slapped around enough these days. a smack upside the head and a few days in the chokie never hurt anyone!
Actually, it may have been kinda funny to see the little one who was hanging on the Starbucks door go for a little ride across the floor....oopsie daisy.....I had nothing to fear. My kids were sittling at the table with their mouths closed coloring, or wait a minute, I remember, I left them HOME because there is no need for them to be in Starbucks at all.
Strangely enough, just reading this book gets mothers glaring at me, whispering to those around them "Psst... Look what that girl's reading... The cheek of it!", hushing their kids and bringing them closer, as if my 'hatred' for other people's kids could harm them in any way.
Anyway, it's a bloody funny book, and if it helps shut up other kids at the same time, then I'm happy. :-D
This is great - I don't have any children of my own, but there are a lot of little children in my family now. I tell my brothers and sisters, if you raise brats, I will never watch your kids.
I remember one of the pre-requisite classes I had to take for medical school was developmental psychology. I think that it should be a pre-requisite for anyone who wants to have children, who has small children or anyone who is thinking about having children. Just from a scientific point, there is something called a 'critical period' in child developement, and as you get older those critical periods are spanned out. A small child, being under the age of 5 or 6 does not have the ability to reason, like an adult does. So why would an adult try to reason with a child like they would reason with an adult? I never understood that.
It's really hard for me to say, because I don't have kids, but what's wrong with making sure that your kid knows you're the parent and you mean business? All my mom and dad had to do was give me a look.. Just one look and I knew I was in trouble.
And I say to myself, "this, too, shall pass."
Thanks for the post, Cate!
It will pass, although depending on your kid, perhaps not as fast as you might want. My little Juju (5) is also very strong willed and fortunately doesn't weigh very much. I bring up her weight because last night she had a huge temper tantrum in the bathtub and kicked her older sister - who was also in the bath - in the stomach. I picked Juju right up out of the water and removed her from the tub and she never got to go back. The tub is her very favorite place on earth and she was really upset. But I firmly believe that our consistency in demonstrating cause and effect will help her to eventually understand the concept of ramifications for her actions...
Good for you for holding the line with your boy. I'm sure it will pay off eventually.
i agree!
let's start with the parents who are letting kids run rampant at starbucks.
;-)
I don't even go in my Costa anymore because it's like a frickin pushchair carpark...