Well, we ain't goin' to no chapel...

"...Did you say 'sodomy'??"

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...But, yes. We're gonna get married.

Tomorrow, actually.

And LeendaDLL and Ruthypants, no worries. There was no cat in the bag...other than the one I have stuffed in a pillow case that we keep behind the potatoes.

Tomorrow at 11 o'clock our time, or 6 o'clock your time, or 3 o'clock everyone else's time, Iain will be stuck with a pregnant immigrant from California forever and ever...or at least until the return policy is still good. You know how those "email order brides" are.

I'd tell you where we're getting married, but I'd rather not have anyone show up with a hack saw...

Just know it's a cute little place where a few members of Iain's family will be able to make it down and be our witnesses.....

Iain's mom is our usher, and witness, and she doesn't know it yet, but will probably be doing a reading for us.
Oh, and speaking of "readings"...The approved list of stuff we could have a read during our 8.23 minute ceremony was quite interesting.

Can you please explain to me why British Citizens would want an "Extract from a Native American Ceremony" read at their wedding? Or perhaps a "Tribal Wish of the Iroquois Indians" read aloud?

They're pretty, but what do Native Americans mean to British people? Gah. Whatever.

Anyway, we picked "The Art Of Marriage" by Alfred Peterson to be read. Currently, as it stands, I'll be reading it. However, I'm a big fat fucking cry baby. I will blubber and sob if I have to read it.

Oh, and did I mention that my menstrual cycle started on Monday? OH YES!

I will be bleeding through my wedding. Nothing says "romantic honey moon sex" like menstrual fluid. Fuck sake.

My mom's like, "Didn't you know you could get a pill to delay your period?!?!!  and I'm like,

"Mother. I'm an immigrant. I've been unemployed since APRIL. Do you think they're going to hand me a pill to make my wedding, which they suspect is only taking place so I can become a citizen and ship my children and relatives over to the the UK  for the sole purpose of organizing acts of terrorism, more ENJOYABLE for me....Yea, no."

I actually just said, "Yeah, but I'm poor." to her, but you get the point.

So, all of you wedding whores (*cough* Kristen *cough*) want to know details, right?

Okay. But no "bouncing bosom embrace", no crying, and certainly no clapping, okay?

My flowers will be red. (Or at least I hope that's what they'll have left over at the florist by the time I get down there...)

The shoes will be my "Something New" from my Sister:

My Carrie Bradshaw "No Place Like Vogue" shoes

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And, here is my fabulous wedding dress:

The "Not Like A Virgin" Dress

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My "Something Old, Something Borrowed, and Something Blue" will be my Mom's garter that she wore when she married my dad. At first I thought it might curse our marriage, but then again it's not really about the marriage to my dad, it was my Mom's, ya know?

So, we will take loads of pictures, and videos, and will be bloggin' about it sometime soon.

Next time you hear from me, I'll be a Mrs. I'll be a wife. (How weird does that sound??)

I still can't even look at Iain and say "Husband" without giggling like a moron, so this will be interesting.

The anti-bride gets married.

This isn't a very "mushy goo goo love" post about us getting married, but I don't feel the need to do that.

I'm just happy, and I don't think it's actually set in yet.

I think I'm still kinda in shock.

Only one year ago today did I first land in Manchester Airport. At this time last year, I was in Liverpool, freaking out because I could SMOKE INSIDE, had my first Cider and Black and hung out with "friends" that I no longer know.

I would have had butterflies in my stomach, because tomorrow I would be meeting Iain face to face.

In less than 24 hours we would be running towards each other, tripping over our suitcases, and kissing hello.

(Yes, we kissed hello. It went: Run. Trip. Hug. Kiss. "Hi. I'm Cate." "Hi. I'm Iain". Stare. Kiss."Nice to meet you".)

And in a year, who knew that I would be sitting here in our flat, writing to all of you fine people about our wedding tomorrow.

Where this year will take us, I can only imagine.

But tomorrow is our 1 year anniversary, and our wedding day.

It doesn't feel like "the first day of the rest of our lives". It doesn't feel like "the most important day of my life"...

It just feels...normal.

Like, well, of course tomorrow is your wedding day....

It's exciting and surreal. Like it's our birthday tomorrow, or something...

Just with less cake, more champagne, no birthday song, and some kick ass shoes.

And I get to finally sign a legal document with my new name that I've been swirling on pieces of scrap paper for months and months........that Iain finds, and then laughs at me.

Have a drink for us!!! You'll be in my thoughts!!!

**Big,Sloppy Quarter Pounder With Cheese Breath, Kiss**

(Like I'm dieting for our wedding, BAH!)

"...Now who's going to buy me cooking lessons?"