The tale of a girl, some cheese, and her desperate search for the Hidden Valley

There was once a girl who lived in sunny valley in Northern California. She much enjoyed this valley, with its hills so green, and it's air full of pollen.

She loved the food this fair valley had to offer: Mozzarella cheese from Californian cows, battered and fried to perfection in a glorious 'stick'...

Sourdough bread from the coast...Sierra Nevada, Fat Tire and Anchor Steam from the breweries of her homeland.
 
But most all, she missed the food from a particular spot in the valley...

A Hidden Valley if you will....

A mix of herbs and spices all mixed together in buttermilk goodness...

Ranch Dressing.

This girl would put this creamy, fatty concoction on food of any sort: Rice. Pizza. French fires. Chicken. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. There wasn't a food she's eat that Ranch could not complete. (Even steak.)

Then, one day, the girl met a boy who she decided she fancied more than all the ranch dressing, sourdough bread, and Anchor Steam in all the land...

So she moved, to a United Kingdom, far far away.

Sure, she discovered Chicken Korma, and Pud Thai, and Peshwari Naans...(and Yorkshire Pudding, and Magners, and Stella, and Toad in the Hole) but as the years past she realized, nothing, not even Hellmans' Garlic and Herb dressing, could satisfy her desire for ranch.

(And yes, this girl DID TRY the Hidden Valley Ranch packets but it's JUST NOT THE SAME.)

Then, one day, this girl and her boy grew very hungry whilst shopping.

In fact, they were so hungry that they caved and went to the cheesiest restaurant in existance. One that this girl would avoid when she still lived in the magical valley of Northern California.

It's a place of "flare", red and white stripes, mudslides, and cheese and bacon potato skins...

Yes, they went to TGI Fridays.

At first they thought all was lost, and that this girl would get diarrhea again like the two other times she'd been to this restaurant...

But then she saw something on the menu:

"Mozzarella Dippers"

"OH my fucking god! THEY HAVE MOZZARELLA STICKS HERE!!!!", the well-mannered young girl exclaimed with joy.

And then, though the girl's heart could barely take anymore joy, this girls' glorious boy, asked their waiter if they had "ranch dressing".

To both of their shock, waiter actually understood. He nodded. And quickly brought the deliriously happy couple a side of ranch dressing, to dip their mozzarella dippers in.

The young Californian girl nearly wept ranch-flavored tears of junk-food joy.

She had managed to find true ranch dressing and mozzarella sticks in the United Kingdom.

All is well...

All is well....