I'd tell you to fuck off but you're probably following me on Twitter
Hi folks.
I apologize for my once-a-week posting, but, there's a lot going on at the moment; most of which can't be talked about. A lot of it is because there is far too much cross-over between my "real life" and my "online life", and although the whole "neighborhood only", "friends only", "friends and family" settings on VOX are fantastic...if I feel like I need to constantly downgrade, upgrade and kick people out of my neighborhood just so I can have some expression and release...I can't really decide if it's worth all the effort or not.
There are all of 2-3 people that I can really talk openly and honestly with about all that's going on at the moment, and for that I'm grateful - but I truly do miss being fearlessly open online. Of course, I always had my boundaries (no personal family talk, no airing out my dirty, marital laundry online) but I've felt all muted and censored lately. There's nothing wrong with having to watch what I say, as I know I'm making the right decision, but I just being able to FUCKING TALK.
It's like, there's so many companies and organizations and bloggers and journalists that I just want to rage on about...but I'm in such a vulnerable position I can't really afford to piss anybody off.
Does that make me weak and subservient to The Networking Gods? Or just smart?
Does anybody else feel like the Internet is just claustrophobic lately? It just kills me that I used be in this fantastic little bubble where I could slag off some idiot journalist who did something shitty and laughable one minute, and now I do the same thing and realize that we have 8 "mutual friends" on Facebook and follow the same people on Twitter and have high music compatibility on LastFM. SERIOUSLY?
Am I losing my balls or and caring too much what others think? I wish I had the clarity to know for sure at the moment.
I have a feeling it's just this awkward transition period that I'm in the middle of. Or maybe it's that fucking Mercury Retrograde everyone on here is always banging on about. Can I blame it on Mercury? Is he retrograding at the moment? What does that even mean?
Thanks to everyone for their job suggestions and concern for my ability to afford food in the next few months. I really am okay, and I've accepted the fact that a Magical CEO is not going to email me and offer me the most fantastic blogging job of all time that allows me to work from home whenever I want, and get paid £500 a day AND get paid ON TIME!
The Universe is leaving me to figure this out myself. I'm up for the challenge, it's just just a shame my mojo is only running on half power at the moment.
Comments
Maybe I'll PM you something else private that's going on with me - cause you're one of the only people who can respond honestly instead of with platitudes or judgment that doesn't account for my own free will.
Maybe you could take over all the TIGs for Vox since, at best, they update once a week. At worst, some seem to have been abandoned.
Still sending good juju for the job.
Heck, I’m a bit down, too. Could be the weather turning colder here in the antipodes. I know it was sleep deprivation by half an hour yesterday. I am constantly freaked out that ‘Friends only’ does not work and some of the personal stuff has leaked out (it has happened, when an image was set to ‘Anyone’ and the post was ‘Friends only’).
Thank you for the good juju. Sending you some as well. :)
The weather here is fantastic, so I can't blame it on that. I know it's just the situation I'm in. Ah well, nothing to do about it but work through it. Hope you feel better soon!
Raises hand.
Inside Self Vs Ouside Self ... nothing wrong or weird there, just normal human behaviour :)
Sometimes the release of writing is enough, in which case you can just write it down as if it was a post and feel better that you've got it off your chest - even though it is never published anywhere. Alternatively create another Vox ID with absolutely no links to CupCate and slag those fuckers off, with no concern for consequences and karma. We all need boundaries but sometimes you just want to sidestep them and let it all out.
Ooooohhhh Twitter! let me see who I know that I can follow.
Facebook's open to everyone....lemme join and friend everyone I know.
It does get claustrophobic. What I can suggest is separate your worlds. We used to have (and many still do in the physical friendships) groups of friends who we rarely get all together. Instead we operate in intersecting circles where there is little overlap. When all the "social networking" (blech) applications came out, everyone felt the need to be with the same people in the different places available to them. It was easy. And fine.
Until I realized that I wanted to share a particular part of my world on vox and another part on facebook and another on ning and I just gave up on twitter (it so wasn't for me).
So I separated. I de-friended and blocked.
Some are ning "friends", which means you're professionally connected to me and my relationships that I share on vox.
Some of the facebook people are here on vox but very few.
Few of the ning folk are on vox (actually, only 1).
Most of my Flickr folk aren't on vox, some are on other platforms.
You get the point.
I recreated those intersecting circles that we have in the physical world in my virtual "friends". And I was ruthless about it. That was the only way that I could continue to post about the things I do and the life I lead. I'm not secretive about who and what I am, but by the same token, my stepsister's stepdaughter (who I'm friends with on facebook) doesn't need to know about my angst over my relationships that I post about on vox.
good luck, luv. it was a tough process.
I keep a pretense of anonymity on my Vox, but the reality is is that if anyone I knew read it, they would work out it was me almost instantly. Luckily for me, none of my friends are really blog type of people.
Could you start another, separate blog on which you stay much more private? I suppose it might be strange to have 2 blogs, but at least then you can have your private self and your public self.
All else fails, maybe revert to the ole locked diary...
I guess the awkward thing for me is a I'm a blogger. I blog for a living. My friends here blog for a living or their line of work is new media, Internet based. My entire portfolio and everything I've ever written is online. It's not that I want to run away and slag off everyone freely...it's more so there are things that I know I would regularly called bullshit on and now I'm in a position where I can't really. (For now, anyway.)
You all are totally right, though, that I need to do a bit of separation and have certain applications be for just friends and family, and then other ones be fore work people and that sort of thing. It's just difficult when you work online, and does everyone else you know professionally...
Thank you all for reading, and for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it!
xx
I have different names in different places. I only share 1 Livejournal & Vox friend, and have a slightly different take on the world. I am not in your position where my blog is my fortune, but I do not plan to be Dooced, have my business public as in 'boss reads me, checks me out' or have anyone I don't know figure out personal personal stuff.
I am on face book but if you don't already know me offline chances are I won't tell you who I am there. I never want Blue_Cat to be associated with Real_Name. ever.
The way I solved it, in part, was to have a seperate blog name, make it Friends Only and invite only some people on over.
Yeah, and twitter is fun, but like ripples on the ocean. Even so sometimes I think I overshare.
Good luck, even if I don't see you around so much :)
calling bullshit has its place as well. I don't know. you have a special function in the digital world as a truth-teller-- it's a big responsibility, fraught with ego-traps and personal snarls, I would imagine, as you get to "know" your subjects more directly or become more recognizable yourself. be brave and stay true to the cupcate we all so greatly admire. fuck, there I go with the platitudes. ;) xo.
Good luck with the job hunt. Like I said to (my) Ash when I told him what happened: if anyone has the chutzpah and ambition to get the dream job, she does. :)