Fraulein Cate: A Guide to Feline Step-Parenting
When you decide to take that leap and move in with your significant other, there are lots of compromises to be made.
(Well, no shit, you say.)
There's the, "Okay, I really need to fart and you're still in the room, do I let it out? Are we at that stage where it's ok?" situation.
The, "Is it really so hard for you to THROW AWAY your toe nail clippings when you're done??!" problem.
And the classic, "Baaaaaaaabe? Did you take out the Tivo batteries and put them in your vibrator AGAIN??" issue.
Personally, my problem came in the form of two little, furry pussies.
Yes...It's true.
I have become the Step-Mum to two cats.
Meet the Children: Jasmine (The Brown One) and Orion (The Orange One).
Let me tell you, I have a new found respect for Step-Parents 'round the world.
It's been a bumpy road, but folks, it's worth the ride.
I have been a full fledged Cat Hater ever since my Grandma's peice-of-feline-shit Siamese bit me on the knee cap in the Summer of 1987. (May the bitch she rest in peace.)
I have 3 dogs back in California.
I am a dog lover. I love the smell of dog fur, dog food, and there's a disturbing part of me that misses the heavy aroma of dog farts.
Before the Cats came to live with us, we got to know each other during a couple play dates.
They mostly sat in their room, stared out the window, and muttered things like, "My Mum would never wear that..." and expressed extreme disinterest in my attempts to be "pals".
Jasmine seemed to warm up to me after a few play dates. She would cuddle up to me, and request that I pet behind her ears for 10 minutes at a time. (All the while closing her eyes and pretending that I was her real Mum).
By the time she moved in with us, we had a pretty good relationship.
We went shopping a few times, and she seemed to like talking about typical girl stuff. She even confided in me about her crush on the sassy Tom Cat that lives in the flat next to us. (The way he kills moths really turns her on.)
We're even getting a mani-pedi together next week.
Orion. Well. He's another story.
In the car ride over to our flat, he managed to escape from his cage. Upon realizing that we weren't really going to the park to play catch, he yelled, "I'll NEVER LOVE YOU!" and peed on my leg.
It was touch and go for a while. He was having problems listening to me when I tried to enforce the house rules.....
Me: "Orion! In this house we do NOT leave our shit uncovered in the cat box!"
Him: "You're not the boss of me! You're NOT MY REAL MUM!!!"
Lot's of door slamming would ensue, and I could hear him furiously text messaging his friends through the door.
After giving him space, and forceful hugs he started to lighten up a bit. Sometimes, I could even hear him purr.
He slowly started coming around, we even have the occasional conversation about why he likes the Chicken flavored dry food over the Salmon...Or why eating bits of our house plant makes him throw up.
As of late, he's even taken a liking to laying on my chest before I fall asleep, and in the middle of the night, I'll wake up to find him laying next to my pillow.
I've since learned more and more about the coy world of felines. They're not as forward and easy to read as dogs, but they are cuddly, don't scratch me or bite my knee caps, and even let me hold them.
Next week I'm planning on making them tiny dresses out of curtains, climbing trees, and teaching them how sing...
Comments
it would sell like hot cakes.