...And do they make cat condoms?
A bad day can lead to many things.
Thankfully, earlier this weekend I was smart enough to add:
Thankfully, earlier this weekend I was smart enough to add:
To this:
Which then at lunch today, I added to a small bottle of this:
Which has led to an afternoon of warm, fuzzy, drunkity bliss while I sit here at my desk writing incomprehensible emails, and dramatically clicking and pressing ENTER!, because that's what all the important people 'round these parts do.
But, this little hour or so of sweet, sweet intoxication has left me with time to think, and worry....
Can cats get STDs?
Our whore male cat Orion escaped the other night to go on a Sex Tour of the neighborhood. Now, I've only ever had dogs, and it's been a bit of an adjustment, but the fact that our cat left the confines of our home and his safety and a fresh bowl of BRAND! NEW! CAT FOOD! to jump through my brother-in-law's window just to go screw and hump a bunch of nasty stray cats for 9 hours, pissed me off.
He finally showed up at about 5am, and was quite pleased with himself.
I imagine if he were able to talk and smoke he'd be puffing a cigar while giving us a run down of how he be "hitting the walls" and "working the middle" of every single freaking cat on the block.
I'm just grossed out. He's even neutered! He has no balls! How did that even work?
I've been calling him "Herpe" and "The Whore" ever since
...I guess I just never though one of my pets would turn into a GV.
But, this little hour or so of sweet, sweet intoxication has left me with time to think, and worry....
Can cats get STDs?
Our whore male cat Orion escaped the other night to go on a Sex Tour of the neighborhood. Now, I've only ever had dogs, and it's been a bit of an adjustment, but the fact that our cat left the confines of our home and his safety and a fresh bowl of BRAND! NEW! CAT FOOD! to jump through my brother-in-law's window just to go screw and hump a bunch of nasty stray cats for 9 hours, pissed me off.
He finally showed up at about 5am, and was quite pleased with himself.
I imagine if he were able to talk and smoke he'd be puffing a cigar while giving us a run down of how he be "hitting the walls" and "working the middle" of every single freaking cat on the block.
I'm just grossed out. He's even neutered! He has no balls! How did that even work?
I've been calling him "Herpe" and "The Whore" ever since
...I guess I just never though one of my pets would turn into a GV.
Comments
Perhaps this whole time he thought his name was Whore-ion? I didn't know that neutered cats can have sex. Hmm...
Haha! too funny.
How do you know he was out being slutty? Maybe he went to the movies or something!
Or did he come back smelling like cheap perfume and pu$$y.
:-P
He's a very dog-like cat and knows his name, and is very talkative. Anytime you call his name or say, "Mate!" he talks and meows and and makes grumbley noises.
When we went outside to find him he responded to his name, and we heard this loud "MEH!" coming from behind a bush. We knew it was him...but then these other noises started...and I thought it was a cat fight...
...But Iain had a flash light and was all, "Um, no, that's not fighting. That's dirty cat sex."
Oh. Mom...
I feel so bad for you in all of your worriment.
Ona very serious note:
You do need to know that cats can get Feline Leukemia and distemper. Both are quite serious.
If he's dog-like you might try the old cold shoulder routine.
I used to do this to Sno-Bie-Wan-Kanobie when he perpetrated "behavior that was below his station in life" and he always responded by not doing it anymore. I shit you not - it worked - but you have to do it right away. He'll have no idea of his offense if you do it now. Wait to see if he does it again and try it out.
From that day forth, I called him "Fuckers." I don't think he ever ventured into another vagina again.
am i the only one more concerned with the taste of the vodka + apple juice mix? because, seriously Cate... do tell!
plus, i bet if you started drinking that when Orion gets out, you wouldn't worry so much about the cat being a whore. at least you know he isn't any baby kitteh's daddy.
thank you for the brilliant idea on how to handle my upcoming unpleasant afternoon here at the desk.
i hate to be a downer about cat sex, but they can also get FIV - feline immunodeficiency virus. there's a vaccine for it, though, so if the little tramp plans on touring the red-light district again, you may want to make sure he gets all his shots. ;) on the plus side, neutered cats and even female cats will hump other cats in a show of dominance. so it may not have been hot triple x action after all. (for his sake, i kind of hope it was ;)
This little combination was the result of desperation, lol. I had the flask, and I felt like apple juice, and then it occurred to me that I could just pour some vodka into the apple juice...
It tasted REALLY good! You know what else is good? Apple and Pear juice with Vodka. OH man.
...This was like a session of "how to be a ghetto, cheap -ass alcoholic".
This post, and the comments, are the funniest shit I've read all week.
Our cat only escapes to fight the feral cats in our neighborhood. He whoops their asses most of the time. But he did once take on three of them at once and wound up with an infected bite on his shoulder. $180 to lance the pus and a week of oral antibiotics later he was fine. Try to keep Whore-ion in. Giving oral medication to a cat is Not Fun. I asked the vet to just give me some hypodermics, I'll inject the damn cat rather than trying to force-feed him liquid antibiotics.
I had a whore cat in college. He was out every night screwing all the female cats within a 5-mile radius. He wound up with feline leukemia and had to be put down. :(
keep our cat indoors when we move.